Despite the upset, the bond remains…

The never ending issues about a stereotypical relationship about mother’s closeness for their sons whereas the daughter’s remains spoiled considering daddy’s little princess. Much of my memories traces twenty five years back at a young age my daughter imitate exactly my style- wears my high heels shoes, carrying a shoulder bag, smears her lipstick and copy my appearance and mannerism - my complete replica.

In many cases, mother and son had a very close relationship and become attached when the son was growing up and reached maturity, while the father is either physically and emotionally absent. First hand experience that “You have to be there” is the first ever ROLE of my son experience, probably didn’t think of any circumstances that would separate us. Another woman comes in the picture. The first real girlfriend that starts a gradual separation when my son got married. I had no choice. Often, a mother with no clear boundaries will say Yes, thinking that makes her a good Christian and a good mother. The fear of losing the relationship is “unnatural” when you’re sure you never do anything to upset the relationship.

But just as the teens entered the new era of history, the mother becomes the most ignorant, uninformed and inexperienced creature from outer space! Now, “I’m a big girl” attitude all I can hear from my daughter and another message, “No need to remind me” from my son. Side by side through the struggles, hardships and overcoming obstacles- the walls are broken! Though hurt, ignored and frustrated… regardless of the sleepless nights filled with worries, despite any circumstances, family separation, the mother understood and supported her children and spread her wings. The expression of her contentment seeing her children shine, herself staying from a secret view, watching them accomplish their dreams and taking pride in discussing their insignificant achievements. She ignored her interests in letting her children fulfill theirs.

I see, now, I’ve learned to let off the steam, released the past, that by pushing I may push them away from me, and I don't want that. I want to be able to give them the opportunity of freedom to be the woman and man they wanted to be. It's a beautiful thing, not something I need to fear. This positive reinforcement from a mother not only makes them feel more trusted and appreciated but fills them with a sense of security as well. The expectations as the children entered a new phase of life should be adjusted to the changing phases. It is important to understand that they are not generally not organized in their thoughts and are often processing their feelings while they speak, and thus, their words may seem strange or impulsive at times.

As your son and daughter are entering a new phase of her life – both must recognize the styles of communication, exchange of thoughts and behavioral messages. While the daughter may seem withdrawn suddenly, the mother must learn not to take it personally, rather accept that her growing daughter needs space to work things out in her own way. And a son getting married is more than a desire for independence and a search for individuality. Nevertheless, as your children grow, they start to realize the weight of their mother's love and the intense depth of her commitment in their life. As maturity levels increase, they would realize the good intentions of their mother which earlier seemed like constant nagging. They learned to get up after every fall, dust and keep going and most importantly realized the fundamentals of life on which they can continually fall back upon in life.

Now we are ‘best friend’ to each other. The heart-to-heart talks, intimate conversations, sharing fun and laughter, the priceless and objective advices, sharing a deep understanding and unconditional love; the relationship nurtures, this time, on a comfortable zone. Baring their heart the relationship is healed, restored and strengthened. On the same wave length, my daughter and son become better friends. Both realizes their imperfection and are not reluctant to acknowledge that. Where as my daughter appreciates what I had done for the family, my son, too, respects my opinions and considers advices.

There is appreciation for inheriting the mother’s sensitivity, empathy, wisdom, willpower, dedication, courage, firmness and perseverance; gratification for her unconditional love, encouragement, prayers and belief; and respect for all the things valued in life, while the children becomes a pillar for support for the mother in the later years. This love-hate relationship may go through innumerable struggles, conflicts and disagreements, but no other relation is as perfect as this complex but strong bond shared between a MOTHER, SON AND A DAUGHTER.

MODEL PARENT VS. MODEL CHILDREN

I walked into my teenager's room and all I can see are posters of teen idols wearing too much makeup and too little clothing, I spot an item of clothing lying around, accessories and a lot of stuff around their bed. Obviously, the character that teens today model themselves after are a far cry from Maria Clara lifestyle……. Yet with the television and peer pressure that teens are faced with, it's no wonder that they act, dress up and look the way they do. Teens choose models for themselves as early as the preschool years. They choose models for themselves who they see as having particular characteristics that they have. It’s OK to look great, be cool and act cool are the standards teens need to hear. Whatever the reasoning maybe for choosing a particular model the support of the parent is a good way to reach teens and provide them with positive models they can identify with.

While teenagers often choose role model because they truly want to be, the best thing for the parent to do is act appropriately. Despite, how it may appear, parents are the first powerful role model for children. Try to tolerate that hideous poster on the bedroom door –that is a relatively safe way for the child to rebel. When your child look elsewhere, they will look at your reaction and you will be their new ‘role model’.

I’m sure that the foundation parents provide their children when they are young will see them through yet another difficult stage of parent-teen relationship.

I hope that I’ve sent the right meaning to my kids in terms of aspirations, determination and appearances to copy and what not to. I can’t deny that they are teenagers and we won’t agree on everything. Right now, I am contented knowing that they may look somebody else for modes of dress, and they’ll also look to be successful and learn the perseverance and satisfaction from a job well done. Congrats!!!